I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
