Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
