There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
