He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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