the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
