I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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