Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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