you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
