Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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