I heard we made out
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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