Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My liver just had a heart attack.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
