I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
high people should be assigned attendants
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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