i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
What a dumb baby whore.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
