So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
