i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
