Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
and she was petting her beer can
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
