Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
