He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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