I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
