I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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