went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
