When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
