I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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