My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Randomize
