i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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