I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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