I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
