We named our party play list daddy issues
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
