so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
