So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Randomize
