So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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