There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
