I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
