Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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