i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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