no, he came in my armpit
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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