if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
