Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
