Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
