Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
