You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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