haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
