Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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