Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
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