No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
