New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
if only i could text you this smell
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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