Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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