2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
