Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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