ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
